Reader x Trickster Nepeta: Get Away With Murder

"Biiiiiiiitchiiiiiiiieeeee~" a cry rung from the door of your New York apartment. Though you did think you were going to move back home, your parents payed off the entire rent for the next fifty years. How? I don't know, I'm just the writer! c:

However, a certain Trickster was now fully aware that you were staying, and she was more amped than Simi, your Siamese cat. "Coming!" you blinked, closing our laptop and walking to the door, opening it to see Tac, grinning rather maliciously. "Uh, Tac? What's up with that grin on your face?"' you deadpanned, looking her up and down. She was still dressed as usual, watermelon and strawberry apparel, but she looked creepy. ...More so than usual.

"Okay so like, I hear that mew are gonna stay here for like, half a decade and I wanted to see youuu~" she purred, her red tail swaying happily.

"...Century." you corrected. "Half a century."

"...Whatever man~ I just wanted to seeee you and give you a thing~! Can I come in~?" You had never really been overly fond of the girl, but she looked so hopeful that you huffed and opened the door widely, now noticing a little sack she had in her left hand. "Thank mew bitchie~" Tac cooed, kissing your cheek as she lept in. Strawberry lip gloss. Of course. Simi mewled and padded over to her, swaying her own tail happily. "Aww yeah, you kept this lil shit~!" Tac picked up Simi and hugged her rightly, giggling like a maniac. "I love her, man~"

"I know." you said simply, sitting down on the sofa and patting the spot next to you. "Here kitty kitty!"

"Aww yes, I love this~!" Tac howled, pouncing onto the seat next to you with Simi still in her arms.

"I was calling for Sim- Never mind." you blinked, looking at her. "What do you have for me, crazy nut?"

"Two things~!" she beamed, reaching into the bag. "One is this~!" she took out a can, putting it atop your head. "Open it~!"

You opened it and the smell of strawberries once again flooded over your nostrils, making you gawk slightly. "Wow that's strong!" you whined. "...Pink icing?"

"Taste it, taste it~!" her eyes started...sparkling. "Purrlease~!"

"Fine, fine." you huffed, taking a small dab on your pointer finger and licking it cautiously. She might have put cocaine in it. ...Maybe. "Hey, it's pretty good!" your turn to beam at her arrived, and you smiled. "You made it?"

"Last night, yup~!" she nodded fiercely, going back in the bag. "And to compliment it, cupcakes~! Mew're fafurite, vanilla~!" 

How did she KNOW that? You never told her! "Uh, thanks." you took the two of them and pursed your lips. "You wanna help me decorate them?"

"Oh, fuck yeah~!" she sat Simi down and leaped up, grinning. "You are the BESTEREST, ___~!"

"Thanks." you smiled sheepishly, blushing lightly. "C'mon now, it's cupcake time!" you took her hand and set the cupcakes on the counter, taking the icing with you as you burrowed through a drawer to find two butter knives.

"Want sprinkles or anything?" you looked over your shoulder at the neko-troll, who was looking at the cupcakes almost lustfully. 

"'Nah~" she purred, flicking her eyes to you. "I gotta scat once we're done icing, hahaha~"

Boy THAT doesn't sound suspicious... "Ooookay."' you slid her a knife, blade pointed away. "Ice the thing." you blinked, closing the drawer with your hip.

"Way ahead of mew, bitchie~!" she was already diving the knife into the icing, sloppily splattering the counter pink-red.

"Lovely." you griped, icing your cupcake neatly before you felt icing on your cheek. You closed your eyes and sighed, reaching your index and middle finger into the icing and making war paint lines below your eyes, opening them and grinning childishly. "It is ON." Sounded familiar, but you don't care! You flung open the refrigerator door and chucked eggs at her, hearing her hiss in amusement.

"No faiiiiir bitchiiieeee~!" she cawed, slinking down into a crawl. She grabbed your leg and bit it, causing you to yelp and leap back in shock.

"Ow!" you whined, dropping the last egg on her head.

"Ick-" she sat up, looking at you with sparkling eyes again. "Can we just eat now~?" 

You blinked, pondering possible come-backs to hit her with, but said nothing. You merely shrugged and took the cupcakes. One neat, one...five-year-old-like. You handed her yours and smiled lightly. "You have enough of a mess on your face anyway."

"Thanks~." she huffed, licking the icing and purring, her tail swaying neatly on the tiled floor.

"No problem. Er, 'purroblem.'"

She looked up at you, smirking like an idiot. "Really, ___~?"

"I had to-" your face flushed and you splutted your face in the icing, chuckling.

"Greaaaaaaaaat~." she mused, eating the rest of the cupcake. Including the wrapper. "Like yours~?" she asked, and you lifted your face up, licking the icing off your lip. You tasted something... It wasn't strawberry, though it was in the taste too. No, this was tangy. Not citrus or any fruit. You blinked. Something was in the cupcake too, it worried you a bit.

"Hey Tac, can I ask you something?"

"Sure~!" she cooed, tilting her head. "What is it~?"

"What did you put in these?"

"Well, fur the icing I used cream, strawberries, this guy I killed, his blood I mean~..."

You spat out a bit of the cupcake, eyes wide.

"And the cupcake has vanilla in it, Betty Crocker cake batter, aaand I somehow got a bit of the guy's bone marrow~..." she tapped her chin. "Oh~! Also used a taaad bit of his saliva to make it moist~! It's great, isn't it~?"

You felt faint. "Uhm...don't you have to go do something...?" you whispered, staring blankly at the wall behind her.

"Oh yeaah~! Hehe, I'm playing hide and go seek with the cops~! I'll get away with muuurder~ I'll get away with muuurder~" Tac sang, standing up and swaying back and forth with her now murderous cute singsong voice. "Thanks fur having me over bitchie~ Love you ___~" she bent down and quickly pecked your lips, giggling and taking the cupcake from your hand and leaping out of your apartment. You still stared blankly at the wall.

"Mew!" Simi licked a bit of the icing off your face and nuzzled your neck, causing you to snap out of your horrified state.

"Simi..." you breathed.

"Mew?"

"My girlfriend is a murderer..."